Men

Men, wonderful creatures they are, I smile just saying that because they are lovely, most times, some of them at least. Please note that this is not about the maladjusted psychopath who abuses mentally or physically, maims and murders the females they date or marry. This is about the average dude who gets up every day and tries his best albeit with a few human flaws like the rest of us. I find them complexed and interesting and like cars they come in different models. I must confess that I do quite often objectify them and at other times I try to deconstruct their personalities and characteristics hoping to solve a mystery. The mystery of why so many of them seem to always need to be important and placed on a pedestal, need to be constantly validated but yet have the confidence and bravado to believe every woman is accessible and fair game. I know this is a dangerous generalization but this is my blog and my experience. Nothing confounded me more than one day when I was dressed to the hilt in full makeup and feeling myself as they say. I am driving and stop at the traffic light at a major intersection. A window washer comes up and compliments me and I smiled and said thanks. But, then he says, "the way yuh nice me would a want you fi be my next baby madda"!! At this point I begin to ask God what I did wrong. Then I thought, I just love the boldness and confidence of men. Who cares if it is possible, he is simply speaking his truth. I look like his next baby's mother.

These days, I must confess again, that I am scared to even think about dating. I keep watching the local and international news reports about men abusing women or killing women. The World Council of Churches has a 'Thursdays in Black' initiative to bring awareness to gender based violence. It is scary out there! I am happy to be a woman after all we are the fairer sex and we are the backbone to the society. We literally replenish the earth and keep societies going. So why do I sometimes feel afraid and even targeted? With my very limited experience I have my own theories. We live in such a male dominated society and struggle to be seen, valued and respected. It is so embedded in our society to the extent that victims of gender based violence are sometimes blamed for their misfortune. Still we press on and agitate for change. We also pray that the good men out there will stand with us for change, speak up against their mates who need a good backhand slap to the nape of their necks. Help to mentor young boys guide them, teach them that a man isn't strong because of the brute force he is able to exact on unsuspecting women. Hopefully we can see a new world where women and men are valued, seen and respected.

So why did I start thinking about men? I just got off the phone with my friend and her husband who said they had hopes of me remarrying. So I started reflecting on the men I have dated. I have loved the men I have dated they somehow didn't seem to always love and appreciate me. I have been mistreated, disrespected, underestimated, taken for granted, violated, bullied, ignored, misunderstood and lied to. At this juncture I have lost interest and struggle to see myself walking that road again. A male friend of mine, a few weeks ago, described me as the type of woman men are afraid to date. I don't need anything so how can a man ever measure up. Well, I said, he could treat me well, be loyal, trustworthy, respectful, caring, patient, kind, mature, and confident. He also needs to have all his own teeth, smell nice be at least 2 feet taller than me, have had formal education and gainfully employed. I also need him to buy me the occasional dinner, nothing fancy, I am a cheap date. It's the thought that counts. But just as I said all of that I realized that the man I just described died between two thieves on a cross. Pray for me!

So where do I go from here? I continue to pray, being very specific in what I ask the Lord for. I also still window shop and toy with thoughts of what if but never venturing close enough to become entangled. I know the right person is out there somewhere I just hope he finds me or I find him before I lose all my teeth and my hearing. I will not be a dating pensioner so this will all end in a few years.