Buyer Beware

It would be so interesting if people like food packaging came with food allergy warnings or a breakdown of their content revealing who they are and what they're made of. This way you could choose whether or not you should proceed to develop a relationship. Or, suppose it was like those online apps that once you click download you had to accept the terms and conditions. A lot of relationships come with conditions that we sometimes don't become aware of until it's too late. I wonder what my warning label would say, probably, "Handle With Care" with a whole slew of warnings attached. I imagine my warning label could probably read as follows;

1. Beware, prone to speak in patois, use colloquial expressions and make inappropriate word and phrase associations.

2. Exercise caution when reading what she writes as her grammar is not always correct and spelling errors sometimes appear.

3. Be cautious in requesting this subject to add, subtract, multiply or divide as she may register an error.

4. Caution! Subject thinks much of herself and will not wait to be complimented. She will walk into a room assuming she is the best thing since the invention of slice bread.

5. Please beware this subject loves deeply and unashamedly and requires it in return from the object/s of her affection.

6. Beware, this subject is a devout Christian and will, in the course of some conversations, quote scriptures from the Bible, speak of the saving grace of Jesus Christ and at time may be heard singing gospel songs. Unfortunately no mute button was fitted with this model.

7. Do not! chide, ridicule or otherwise speak in derogatory tones about this subject's weight as this may be harmful to YOUR self esteem.

8. It is advised that you wear ear plugs if you allow this device to fall asleep. The manufacturer will not be held responsible for any loss of sleep or injury to your hearing.

9. Please note that though the Blood of Jesus has washed this subject she is prone to fits of anger if you do any of the following; (a) disrespect her close family members (b) employ dishonest strategies in any contractual obligation (c) threaten her mental or physical wellbeing.

10. Note! This model was created with intuitive software and can detect insincerity up to 10 kilometers away.

11. Careful! This subject loves food, a good movie, travelling, and spa days.

12. Important warning, this one is a hopeless romantic she loves hugs, expressions of love and the occasional sacrifice of time, COVID permitting and all health protocols observed.

13. If this subject should begin to cry uncontrollably at the memory of pain experienced by others do not shut off the device it will reset on its own.

Please click accept to proceed to friendship mode!