Growth

Growth is important, physical growth but more so mental and emotional growth. In this my more mature years there is much that I am now growing into. I am constantly growing into an understanding and acceptance of who I am. Growth in believing and simply knowing that I am enough, regardless. I believe that spiritual growth is important and helps with all other forms of growth for it has been my spiritual growth that has caused me to come to new understandings and growth in the other areas of my life.

From childhood I grew up feeling average. I had average abilities, I was average looking and my personality was quite vanilla. Yes, I believed myself to be simply average. This was encouraged, of course, because to be more than average was to be boastful, conceited and as we would say in Jamaica, "NUFF". To speak of myself and any accomplishments would be ostentatious and almost shameful. I only realized about 20 years ago that my lack of ability to speak positively and even glowingly about myself could result in me being overlooked for professional promotion and even service to others. To remain in the shadows meant I would remain an after thought to those charged with nominating persons who could serve, could help, who could achieve great things or who might fit into places of 'high standing'. Mind you, I have also come to realize that people are not necessarily enamored by people who are boastful, ostentatious or "NUFF". In my growth I now understand that we need to strike a careful balance. In speaking of ourselves and our accomplishments people want to see in you possibilities for themselves not a display of what you have acquired and what they are excluded from obtaining. In other words you should be a source of hope and not exclusion or hinderance. Allow people to see the road you travelled so they see it is also possible for them to move from average to exceptional.

I have also grown in love and acceptance of myself. There was a time I prayed for the Lord to change my personality. I believed I was too pleasant, I smiled too much and that people never took me serious because I joked too much. I was just too crazy and too vivacious. I am growing to accept that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by my creator and He thinks the world of me. I am growing to accept that there are people whose lives I must touch who need my pleasing demenour, who need a smile and who simply long to laugh about something, anything and who need my brand of crazy. I have grown to understand that I am a gift to someone - I am enough.

"for it was You who created my inward parts;

You knit me together in my mother's womb. I

will praise You because I have been fearfully and

wonderfully made". The Bible: Psalm 139 verses 13 and 14

I have grown spiritually, having come into the realization that we are all human with faults and weaknesses and that God is not a persecuting, vengeful tyrant who created us to beat us down into submission. Far from it. I have also grown in my understanding that when He calls you into service that, that is exactly what you should do, serve. He didn't promise recognition or fame of title. He didn't even promise that people would like you; He simply called me to serve and that is what I will do. To come to that realization took serious prayer and growth.

I have grown professionally by being me in every way. I started average and allowed my exceptional qualities to shine through. I stopped hiding under the bushel and took some leaps of faith. I continued to laugh, love and exude my brand of crazy but I availed myself of the opportunities that presented themselves and moved from the back of the room to sit on the platform sometimes. I grew in my dependence on the Holy Spirit and learning the sound of His voice so I would know when to move, what to say, when to be silent, who to trust, who to pray for and how to pray. I often say that if I could speak to my 13 year old self I would tell her, It's ok to be you, you are beautiful, you're not fat, you are more than average, It's ok to say no, love yourself because you are great, you should see you in 2021. Girl you are fabulous!