Weightlessness

Warning! This is a religious post so if you feel your sensibilities might be adversely affected exit now or proceed at your own risk as it may alter your perspective.

I haven't posted in a while mainly because, to write a blog and remain consistent requires that your head space is ready and your emotions are settled enough to write coherent sentences that will not leave those reading utterly confused and concerned for your wellbeing. To say the least, the past 4 months have not been easy. This in itself has been confusing as given the wonderful developments I assumed joy, excitement and contentment would have been mine. I have experienced professional growth through promotion; professional development through the recognition of colleagues afar inviting me to share my views on important topics in fora that I did not expect. I was able to buy a new car and that was just awesome. My worship had soared to new heights while the time I have been spending in the word of God and in the presence of God had/has increased. I have been getting more opportunities to share my experiences and testify to God's marvellous and miraculous love and deliverance. There have even been days when I was able to encourage and reassure persons who were acquaintances but now I could possibly call friend. I was able to do something new and exciting in celebration of my birthday and every day during this first half of the year I felt loved. I also felt the support of family and friends in immeasurable ways - that feeling that somebody has your back, that you are in their thoughts and they are praying for you.

So why would I describe the last few months as difficult and sometimes unbearable and just simply awful at times. I suspect it's because as human beings, despite having 1 million wonderful things happening in our lives we allow 1 or 2 negative things to kill the beauty and truths of all the phenomenal things that have happened. The other fact is that, as Christians who name the name of Christ and profess our trust and hope in God we actually don't know how to fully and truly let go and trust God. Because if we really and truly did, there would be no way and no how that we could become despondent and hopeless. We say that the Bible is the expressed word of God and that there is a word in it for everything we go through; that our hope is in God and His word. We even read that, "He honours His word over His name". So, if we are spending time in His word and we are trusting Him how do we get to a place of distress and total sadness. I suspect that it might be that it is because there is still a lot of self still fighting our battles and less of Him. Don't get me wrong, I know that as humans we still have emotions and our bodies and minds will have impulses to react and act but as soon as our impulses kick in do we also activate the weapons of our warfare? Do we remember the promises made and the clear unequivocal assurances given? Do we know how to trust them with reckless abandon? Have we ever experienced that freedom? Do we know how to thank God for the bad things happening to us always recalling the great things He has done and knowing that in this, even in this, He has our back? Remembering Psalm 139 when David expressed his awe at the understanding God has of who we are and the love He has for us. "You have searched me, Lord and you know me............Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely." Imagine that!!

The reason I reference this Psalm in so many posts is primarily because of 3 things it says and promises. I just mentioned one, the second is, "If I say surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me, even the darkness will not be dark to you the night will shine like the day , for darkness is as light to you." We can interpret this in several ways. We are either trying to hide our evil sinful deeds and hoping that God won't see them or, when those dark depressing times come we can rest assured that He the great Jehovah, God of all gods and the creator of this universe will find us, He always sees us, He will always be there for us. The third word in this Psalm that just has me totally weak is verse 13, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." At this point I am totally broken before the Lord and cannot understand how and why He loves me so much for it is certainly not because of anything that I have done.

And during the terrible days I took the advice of a friend and I went away by myself to breathe, relax my shoulders, heal, express gratitude and exercise some selfcare. I put some credit in my happiness bank account so that I could step back into the fire and not be burnt. I learned a few things, some I mentioned above but others I will now share.

1. Choose 5 people (not family) in your life to tell how much they matter to you in a brief note via WhatsApp, text or email. Tell them how much you love/like them and appreciate them and those things they have added to your life. Their hearts and yours need those thoughts and emotions out in the universe. You will feel a sudden release once you click send.

2. Go to the beach and imagine this, the weightlessness you feel while swimming, floating or pretending to swim or simply wading IS! what God wants to do for you. When you feel the weightlessness take a deep breath. Think! He will take your cares away if we begin to focus on the things of God and just trust.

3. Express gratitude in prayer and in your thoughts for one whole day.

While you are on your little retreat do not feel guilty as we often do when we take time to ourselves. Remember it is important and very ok to step away from the noise and just breathe all by yourself. If you are not ok how can you help and serve those around you. Remember to breathe deeply!!