Worthy

Worthy, meaning deserving of something or fit for something. As much as I often view myself a confident person, a capable individual and a purposeful person I sometimes encounter difficulty in rewarding myself. I view my life in terms of goals and aspirations and so at 33 years old I drafted a road map of things I wanted to achieve in my life (late....but who cares). This plan was time sensitive but lacked the key performance indicators that a good strategic plan would generally have. How would I know where I was in terms of progress, how close was I to completing my objectives. I didn't put together my SWOT analysis to determine the strengths, weaknesses, opportunities or threats to my plan. So, in essence what I had were hopes and dreams. Nothing is wrong with that because unlike my professional life I am always in control of this plan so I am free to amend the document. It's mine.

So, if this entire plan is mine and the targets I set for myself are achieved why is there hesitation in rewarding myself? I am somehow concerned about my rewards being viewed as ostentatious or unnecessary. Somehow afraid of losing my humility crown and no longer viewed as one of the 'ordinary' folk. Am I not worthy, deserving or fit for the reward? Where did this line of reasoning come from? The one that dictates that you should always blend in and live a beige or vanilla life being careful not to stand out too much, only enough to show that you are not w-o-r-t-h-less. Having read the book "The Four Agreements" some light is shed on how I perceive things, how I interpret the world and how I exist in this space. You see, most of who I am was formed out of the dreams and ideas of others. Others being family, educators and the society in which I grew up - we call it socialization (they really meant well, honestly!). That is why it is important for us to be exposed to different people and places and to gain copious amounts of knowledge and information so that we may begin to create our own dreams, ideas and reality of how life should be. At work we call this data driven decision-making. But, never become so wise and informed that you lose sight of the things that truly matter, for I believe that in acquiring this freedom to be my own person I must never be arrogant or selfish. I must also share the route to this new freedom with someone else, in the same way it was shared with me - gracias mi amigo. Also remember that Jesus Christ is still Lord of everything.

I am not here by chance. God created me for such a time as this and I will use my time well for He created me to be above and not beneath; the head and not the tail and to be more than a conqueror in every situation. I am deserving and fit for what I am blessed with. I am worthy of the job He has blessed me with and every opportunity it brings. I am worthy of my very comfortable home (minus the lizards), and my amazing family and friends. I am worthy of unconditional love for God created me and He declared it so.

"For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

How vast is the sum of them!" (Psalm 139 vs. 13-17)